Calling, by Joe Samuel Starnes *****

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callingDo you know the Four Spiritual Laws? Do you believe that Jesus died for your sins? Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?

If so, this is not your book. Move along; scoot! I am serious.

I’ll just wait for you to gather your things…have a nice day.

(pause)

Are they gone?

Good. So, this book is for the rest of us. Well, most of the rest of us. It all depends where your “ick” threshold is. I’ve mentioned this before, in other reviews. Here’s your litmus test: if you can get through at least one Stephen King novel, or if you read The Silence of the Lambs without a sick lump forming in your gut, you’ll be fine here. What Starnes has written is seriously funny, but the humor is really, really dark. It won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but those who like it will love it!

Our setting: a commercial bus, riding cross country heading northwest toward Utah. Our protagonist: Timber, a failed disc jockey confronting middle age. He is joined in the back of the bus by a Southern preacher named Zeke, who brings with him a suitcase (oh that suitcase!), a foot-long razor-sharp Bowie knife, a briefcase with a Bible in it, and a bottle of Jim Beam. Timber wants to be left alone, but once Zeke makes it clear that he wants, and intends to have, company, Timber is surprised at how much they have in common. They both grew up in poor but very religious households in the deep South, and both of them had abusive fathers. And that’s just for starters.

Unlike Timber, though, Zeke has been through seminary, where he learned to be a “front man for Jesus…His marketing team”. In ministering to prisoners, “a captive audience”, he gains a somewhat different set of skills, but once you learn to rationalize the things you learn as a seminarian, hell, you can rationalize anything.

Have you ever noticed the similarity between a church and a Vegas casino?

Does it embarrass you when your mama speaks in tongues? Be honest here.

But the most important thing to remember is that “…our God and his son are so gracious as to forgive our sins, whatever they may be…so I shut her in the trunk and drove off.”

Hmmm.

Reader, dear reader, letmetellyathis: I have never, no never in a very long time, to be absolutely, positively candid, laughed so hard. The mattress shook beneath my aging couch potato body, and it was not caused by the Holy Spirit, it was caused by the enormously amusing prose of Joe Samuel Starnes.

For those who are not easily offended and would like to be amused, this book is calling. You’d better listen. You don’t want to miss that bus!

Confessions of a Failed Southern Lady, by Florence King *****

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Bear in mind that this review is being written by a Yankee. My mother was born in the south, but I have not even visited since I was five years old, so I can’t claim any real sense of heritage, apart from a few really kick-ass, cholesterol laden recipes. And the one southerner to whom I loaned this book was deeply, deeply offended by it.

Suffice to say, it is edgy humor, graphic in places. King is not particularly afraid of boundaries, and this clearly is what accounts for some of the ‘failure’ that she really isn’t all that upset about. I have labeled my blog “G” for general audiences, and it applies to what I write here at Seattle Book Mama, but not to all of the books I review. Certainly you won’t find erotica or porn here on my blog, but this book is scarcely “G” rated; it’s edgy, bawdy, and also not entirely heterosexual. If you can’t stand the heat, stay away from the book!

Now that all the caveats are out of the way, let me say I have seldom laughed so hard. Not deep inside, as with some really fine humorists. This isn’t subtle humor; it is bawdy and wicked.

Speaking for myself, I’d say Ms. King is welcome in the Pacific Northwest anytime!

Apprehended, by Jan Burke ****

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I really enjoy Jan Burke’s writing, have been reading her Irene Kelly series since the get-go. This little collection is different; she writes with a variety of disparate, yet entirely authentic voices and also experiments with different settings than the usual. And all of it is really good.

In fact, the only reason star number five is missing is because a hundred pages isn’t a whole book, as far as I am concerned, it’s part of a book, or maybe a large pamphlet. I felt I was just getting warmed up, ready to go on to the next story, and..oh. It’s over. I guess that’s it.

I am grateful to Net Galley for the free read, but I would not pay cover price for 100 pages, not even for Burke.

It is good to see Ms. Burke back in action. Her work is always skillful and holds my interest till the dead last word on the very last page.

The Battered Bastards of Bastogne: the 101st Airborne and the Battle of the Bulge, by George Koskimaki ****

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When I opened this military treasure trove,a complimentary read from the fine folks at Net Galley, I expected to see what had been described, which is the story of Bastogne during World War II. Two other World War II memoirs had been written by the same author, but I have not yet read them. The teaser that advertised The Battered Bastards of Bastogne claimed that this recounting was the result of many, many letters, interviews, and other primary documents collected from the participants themselves; it is a researcher’s dream to run across something like this, and Mr. Koskimaki deserves a great deal of credit for sorting through it all and then piecing it together in a readable, generally interesting narrative. Nearly all of the veterans of World War II are gone now, and not all of the remaining veterans are reliable resources anymore. To be able to come up with the whole story, impeccably documented, is a real achievement.

The writer says that he wrote this third volume, the completion of a trilogy, because other old soldiers urged him to do it, and this is the audience to whom he appears to be speaking much of the time. The informative lists and charts provided at the front of the book, with a glossary, list of maps, key to ranking, and photographs, is useful for those of us who have not served in the military, or perhaps even to those who have, but may have forgotten bits and pieces.

If anything is missing here, it is a more descriptive narrative, admittedly a very tricky business when writing nonfiction. Perhaps to add the feelings, scenery and sensations that would make this tale a bestseller would be considered unprofessional or unmilitary to those who are in a position to do so. I can think of just two nonfiction titles in which the narrative is as well done as a good novel, a compelling read with rising action and a climax: The Guns of August, by Barbara Tuchman, and The Warmth of Other Suns, by Isabel Wilkerson. The Battered Bastards, though colorfully titled, loses its fifth star because the writing is dry in places, transitions sometimes bumpy. Though it becomes more colorful as one reaches further into the text, there are other lengthy sections that feel like quotations that have been hurriedly shoved together.

In addition, assumed knowledge, despite the excellent resources earlier mentioned, left me scratching my head. Why would parachutists consider themselves superior to those who used gliders? A lot is left to the imagination of the general, nonmilitary public.

For World War II veterans, a waning target audience, this might well merit five stars. For the general reading public—even those who teach or have taught American history, as I have—it is a four star read, important and informative, and very useful to researchers and scholars, but a little dry around the edges.

Still, a good read in my book, and recommended.

What Women Want, by Deborah L. Rhode *****

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What Women Want

Yes, thank you, I am a feminist. And in the wake of the Supreme Court’s decision around the Hobby Lobby’s so-called “right” to deny its female employees the contraception of their choice via their health insurance, Rhode’s manifesto could not be more timely. The book is not only right on the money politically, but it is scholarly, accessible, and written by a woman whose credentials cannot be questioned. Rhode is a Stanford law professor who clerked for Thurgood Marshall. She founded the school’s course on gender, but still sees plenty of room for improvement…everywhere. She’s right. Thanks to Net Galley for promoting this important book.

Rhode points out that in spite of the all-too-common mistaken perception that gender bias is a thing of the past, women constitute less than one half percent of the content in the average history textbook. Furthermore:

In virtually every major dimension of social status, financial

well-being, and physical safety, women still fare worse than

men. Sexual violence remains common, and reproductive

rights are by no means secure.

Women are still primarily responsible for child care, and they are still penalized for this on the job. Abortion providers are rare due to local laws and increased insurance premiums, courtesy of virtually unfettered terrorism against women’s health clinics. Wealthy women will always be able to terminate an unwanted pregnancy because they can travel, but the poor, who often have the most urgent need to exercise this choice, are stuck if they can’t get to a county or state where the service is available, and pay for attendant travel costs associated with other red-tape hurdles such as waiting periods.

The USA has the second-highest rate of reported rape in the world, and a quarter of all women experience violence from their intimate partner; a fifth are raped or experience attempted rape.

Are you listening?

Rhode carefully delineates every problem faced by women in the USA today, and she argues, blow by blow, citation by citation, what is needed. Women should be organizing. We aren’t, at least not in the numbers that we need to in order to bring about social change. In fact, this reviewer would suggest that we are losing ground, and it is because so many of us don’t show up to carry a sign, wear an armband, or carry a bullhorn.

The only weak place in Rhode’s release, if there is one, has to do with women of color. Her analysis there is shallow. However, the other sections apply to all women, regardless of color or ethnicity. We all need respect in the workplace and parity with our male coworkers or colleagues in pay and advancement. We all need affordable–if not free–childcare. We all need reproductive freedom that is between ourselves and our doctors. And we all need to be able to speak up and be perceived as “assertive” rather than “aggressive”. We are not there yet.

This reviewer has twice marched in Washington DC for women’s right to reproductive freedom, and cannot believe that the Equal Rights Amendment is dead. What’s that about?

If you are female or care about someone who is, you should get this book. Rhode is crystal clear and absolutely correct; if women cannot be equal now, then when?

Confessions of a Prairie Bitch, by Alison Arngrim *****

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confessionsofaprairiebitchThey say actors tend to have high IQs. This book is one more piece of evidence. Arngrim is super smart, and she can really write. And she is very, very funny.

Like a lot of comedians (which is what she did after being a child actor,at least for a time), her unerring comic instinct developed as a survival skill. Terrible families come in a wide range of dysfunction, but if domestic atrocities were a contest (and thank goodness they aren’t), Christina Crawford (Mommie Dearest) would be left eating Arngrim’s dust. The enormous temper tantrums and other vile forms of acting out inherent in the character she played were a recipe for mental health. How many other people get to go out and scream at other people for a living? And trust me, she needed all the help she could get. For the specifics, get this book and read it. It is worth the cover price.

Public reaction to Arngrim ranges from the hysterically funny to the almost unbelievable. She and her Prairie mom went to a fair as part of a publicity effort, to sign autographs etc, but they were attacked by an angry mob and had to slide out of there quietly. On a French television program, she was asked to explain her bad behavior, and she explained, as if she were her character, that she had been raised by a dreadful mother and was jealous of Laura. The studio audience and talk show hosts all understood entirely. It’s just too hilarious!

In real life, she has been close friends with Melissa Gilbert since their early days together on the set, and she spoke so well of Gilbert that I think I may read her memoir, too…and I was not even remotely interested in doing so before this! She also has some interesting things (I am dying to divulge, but won’t…READ THE BOOK!) about Michael Landon. Wowzers.

Not-so-funny is her experience losing a good friend to AIDS. I lost an old high school chum in the late 80’s, when a whole generation (or more) of gay men were unknowingly exposed to a deadly virus that at the time had no useful treatment. I applaud the years she has served as an advocate for HIV awareness and treatment. She has gone to bat for abused children, too. Again, you have to get the book! You just have to read it!

I always have 4-6 books on a string at a time, and I float more or less freely from one to the next. The only time I put this one down for another was at bedtime, because for awhile it was rollicking enough not only to keep me awake, but to keep me awake and laughing, or shaking the mattress with suppressed gales.

For the Record: Yes, but No

Aside

My initial plan, when starting this blog, was to post only positive reviews. Recently I saw the flaw: it doesn’t help you sort what I have read and not cared for, from what I just haven’t read. Or maybe it’s just the malevolent little spirit within me that needs to tell you there actually are some pretty bad books out there. If your thinking is anything like mine, this brief list of books that ranked anywhere from “Meh” to “Pee-yoo!” may help you save a few dollars:

Defector in Our Midst, by Tom Fitzgerald is due to hit the shelves August 5.
Cardboard caricature characters make all Muslims except one–the GOOD Muslim,
singular–out as terrorists. Keep your wallet in your pocket.

Conversations with Steve Martin, edited by Robert E. Kapsis, available in
early September. What could be more fun than the words of Steve Martin? A book
written by and about Steve Martin. You want the already-published Born Standing
Up, by Steve Martin, which is very readable and very funny. This piece of dung,
on the other hand, takes magazine interviews from the comedian’s whole career,
snips the quotations and attempts to string them together into something
sequential that makes sense. Booooring.

The Greatest Comeback, by Patrick Buchanan. Who still tries to defend the
Nixon administration? Good luck with that.

Don1 The King From Queens, by Louis Gasparro This graffiti memoir looked
to be a cutting edge book on street art. The guy is not Banksy.

Harry’s War: A British Tommy’s Experiences in the Trenches in World War One, by Harry Stinton ****

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harryswar Harry’s War is a journal that was kept by a British soldier during World War I. It is remarkable not because it is eloquent or poetic in any way, but because it is complete (regarding his own experience) and because he is capable in his explanations. The illustrations are particularly interesting, well done and useful to the reader, breaking up what might otherwise become dull text in places. He also mentions small but singular experiences that break up a sometimes-monotonous march.

Harry is chosen to toss bombs because of his excellent throwing arm. This talent gets him out of some of the unpleasant detail such as night watch duty, but it is also a position even more fraught with danger than what others experienced. He lasts nearly two and a half years before being wounded and sent home. Part of the time he serves is in the less dangerous capacity of “batman”, which was a term that designated the personal assistant of an officer, and it’s possible this accounts for some of the time he stayed out of harm’s way. In particular, he is able to view the battle at the Somme where some 60,000 casualties occurred as an onlooker rather than as a participant; in some ways, this makes his account more useful, because he saw a wider swath of the action. Most of the time, though, he is doing what a soldier does.

I was particularly bemused by the change in his perspective as his tenure became more intense. Before seeing battle, he complains about things like not having privacy for his bath, and being expected to sleep in a “dirty barn” instead of a house. Later he considers himself fortunate when he gets into a nice dry trench, especially when there are no rats or lice about. He becomes increasingly more stoic and toward the end when he says a thing is “unbearable”, you know it really is.

Harry marches across France and through Belgium, and he also encounters soldiers from Canada, Scotland, and Australia. It’s quite an education for him, and he relays it well to the reader, though it is unlikely he ever expected such a wide readership.

As is so often the case when reading military history, you really don’t want this on an e-reader. Get the book so you can see the illustrations. They are frequent and lend much to the reader’s understanding of the text.

Half of Paradise, by James Lee Burke ****

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halfofparadiseJames Lee Burke has been writing for roughly fifty years now, and this was an early effort, published in 1965; I think it was his first, in fact. It starts out appearing to be short stories, but the narratives involving three individuals eventually make one crushing point about the dismal, cynical failure of the US criminal justice system, which rains down its uneven blows hardest upon the poorest sectors of the population. He never actually says it. He goes one better, by demonstrating it through his fiction.

Those who have read his Edgar winners (Neon Rain and Black Cherry Blues) have come to expect brilliant rendering of setting and complex, absolutely believable character development.

As for me, if Half of Paradise, not an award-winning story but strong nevertheless, a stark, brutal, depressing book reminiscent of some of Russell Banks’s work (but with a Southern exposure) were as good as Burke were ever going to become, I would still choose to read his work over that of most other writers. And because it is indeed grim–and anything with this subject matter ought to be–I always have another book going, too. Actually, I usually have four to six books that I read in rotation. By not making more than one or two of them morbid, I keep myself from plunging to the depths one otherwise might while reading it.

A worthy early effort, still worth reading today if you can stand the sting of the “n” word.

Somebody Owes Me Money! by Donald Westlake *****

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 somebodyowesme Imagine that you are a working class guy, okay, not always technically LEGAL work, and you place a small bet on a fairly frequent basis with a friend who is also a bookie. And week after week, just as with lottery tickets, it is money down the drain.

Then suddenly, the angels sing: Hallelujah! Your horse just won on some VERY long odds! You trot joyfully up the stairs to your bookie’s flat…and he’s there. Dead. On the floor. It looks like a professional hit.

So…what would you do?

If it was me, I know what I’d do! I’d run like hell! NEVER MET the guy. But not our protagonist. (And this is all right there at the start, mind; I haven’t spoiled a thing beyond the very beginning of the book). OUR protagonist is thinking of just one thing: he has FINALLY won a bet, and he is GOING to collect! So, whoever took this guy out must be the one who owes him money now, RIGHT? Well, where is he?

Westlake has made me laugh many, many times. I will miss him terribly, and am glad he wrote so much. I felt at least one of his novels should be on this list.